90 Days Later

It's getting hard to keep track of how many days it's been since the abortion, since i'm not writing every day but i'm fudging the dates.

placenta sandwich said...

The counseling thing sort of shocks me. In my training and various jobs it's been the assumed standard of care. I've always known that procedures can vary quite a bit among clinics, but most of the people I've gotten to know in the field who worked at other places seemed to have the same expectations: sure, a lot of women might not need a whole lot of talking before or after, but it's better for a patient to have it and not need it than need it and not have it, so we should do our best to make sure the steps are described, the questions are answered, the aftercare is explained, and the patient has an idea of whether she'll cope well afterward. Blah, it makes me really upset that they didn't give you what you needed.

It was very , very clinical. When i say i felt like Patient X, i wasn't kidding...no one talked to me other than the formalities. Like when i made the phone call it was "okay here's the time slot, here's what you need to bring". Every question I had outside of the norm (mostly about the surgeon's lawsuit), everyone seemed clueless. Most of the women i dealt with were barely older than 27 i would guess, minus the actual medical people themselves (4 of those total, and that includes the surgeon). We were shuttled along like cattle.

In other news, I saw Chandler briefly last night, and damn he looked so good...it was hard to not picture what a baby with him would look like if i knew it was his or not. Damn him and life for not making thing different. Well, mostly him...a lot of things i feel were within his control, and still are.

I don't want to say i'm "over" the abortion, but it's such a distant memory to me. The only time it really gets to me is if i think of some of the sh*tty things Chandler has said to me, or when i imagine the surgery room...the pain in my hand...GOD i can still feel it if i think about it...and having your legs spread open, the door open, legs in stirrups, it was the most humiliating experience of my life, easily.


Anonymous said...

I had an abortion with FPA Long Beach in August. We really were treated like cattle. There was no counseling whatsoever. The main reason I chose the place was because I thought it would be more like a private doctors office. At least they bothered to cover me up when I was splayed across the table.

Jane Doe said...


I've just finished reading through your blog and wanted to say hello.
I hope things are improving for you and you're getting some time to process and sort things out.
I had an abortion a couple of weeks ago and am currently trying to sort my own head out. Without anyone to talk to about it I found myself reading your blog (as well as a couple of others) and it's been really comforting to read about other women going through a lot of the same stuff.
Anywho, I've started blogging some of my diary stuff and I hope you don't mind if I link to your blog.

All the best,

Anonymous said...

i would love to know how you are too!

Thank You! said...

I just stumbled onto your blog. I just spent the last hour or so combing through it and I think you're an incredible woman. I love that are so many of us that are strong, and brave and honest and can talk about our thoughts about abortion. The truth is, that's what we need. Honest perspectives, good, bad and ugly.. as long as it's all true.

That's why I'm inviting you to submit to my blog ProchoiceThankyous.com. The goal of my project is to encourage pro-choicers to send their thanks to anyone that makes abortion possible in this world. Lord knows they have to deal with a tremendous amount of shit. It's nice to show them a little appreciation.

You can go to my site for more info or examples and of course you're welcome to email me.

Let me know what you think.

Anonymous said...

Dear Monica,

I have spent the better part of today reading your blog. I started at the beginning and I have gotten to here...

I am so sorry for your experience. For your pain.
I am praying for you. Even if you don't continue your online journal/blog/diary, I will never forget your transparency and your honesty. I will never forget your story.
You are amazing in that you have been able to be completely honest with yourself throughout this. I feel that is uncommon.

You have mentioned a belief system, but I'm not really clear on what you belief about God...I believe, wholeheartedly, that He loves you. That He cares about you, that He knows you.

I have so much I want to tell you, but my ability to convey my mind is not so finely honed as yours.
I am what you have referred to as "religious". I am deeply grateful for your blog that acknowledges that even though you walked with confidence to the decision to have an abortion, and even though you still feel like it was the right choice for you-it was no easy thing. It still, is no easy thing.

Perhaps a small gesture in the grand scheme of things, but I hope it matters to you to know that I will continue to pray for you.

I would send you my personal email if you have any interest...

Thank you,

William Quincy Belle said...

Abortion is quite the issue. I am pro-choice and I'm glad to see you had a choice but I realize we as a society have a long way to go to sorting this whole idea out.

My $0.02

Best to luck to you. :-)

Anonymous said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

Anonymous said...

this was an incredible story, thank you thank you monica

car donation long beach said...

Every time I hear about abortion, I feel bad for the innocent baby. They don’t give the baby a chance to see how beautiful our world is. By doing abortion you will undergo painful process or procedures.

ProLife said...


Here is why I converted from pro-life to pro-choice.

Just click on links below to witness the wondrous abortion procedures enthusiastically endorsed by pro-choice organizations just like the one you work for.

Just breathe in the "sheer wholesome goodness" of exercising a woman's right to choose.

1st trimester abortion:

(The videos below have been verified by Dr. Anthony Levantino, a board certified MD & a former abortionist who notarized the videos of the aborted babies as an accurate reflection of the aftermath of an abortion)


(Above is a highly recommended video that illustrates a 1st trimester abortion)


Mid-second trimester D&E abortion: (Abortionists violently dismembers unborn baby)



http://sfaturiortodoxe.ortodoxism.ro/media/Avortul-chirurgical.wmv (In this video, a dead decapitated head of an aborted baby rolls out from between the legs of a woman)




Partial-birth abortion: (Abortionist grabs the baby legs & then violent stabs a pair of surgical scissors into the lower skull of baby to kill the baby)


2nd trimester prostaglandin abortion:

(Hormone injected into woman to force violent contractions that kill & expel baby from the womb)
(Physician in video below shows aborted fetus who died through prostaglandin abortion although this physician did not perform the abortion himself)



Very vivid ultrasound photos of embryo in first trimester & reveals humanity of unborn baby








Endowment For Human Development Website



Photo of 10 Week Old Fetus Removed From Womb (hands, eyes, feet, legs, organs all developed & visible)


Anonymous said...

I want to say how sorry I am that you were treated like cattle and that this was such a humiliating experience for you but I am glad that you were able to portray the truth of how these abortion mills make women feel. If you should need support for your awful experience Rachel's vineyard retreats are available for women who have been treated as such and been traumatized by abortion.

Anonymous said...

no one cares that yo didn't have the responsibility to not get pregnant. your guilt, which is what this is, is your own fault.

Anonymous said...

Short story about women in an abortion waiting room...

Anonymous said...

I can definitely relate to your story and im sorry you had to go through this.mine was just as bad. There are some things you never forget . Memories that are forever imprinted on you.I cant rememver how many days its been..but not many and for the useless commenter talking about her guilt..im sure you've never been through this so you shouldnt be on this page!
Never give up girls
And I can def relate to having a ” Chandler”


Pro-Choice folk should be able to appreciate this most dark, factual, humor


Anonymous said...

You are really dealing with the pain and humiliation of going through the process which unfortunately will be everlasting. The only thing I could suggest you do is realize that you have made a huge mistake. please stop advocating for pro-choice. do you really want some else to carry the burden of a choice that can't be undone? Babies are precious gifts from GOD! Born or unborn they belong to him and we should not be the ones to decide their death. A mother's womb should be the safest place.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I see you haven't blogged in a while but as an older woman who has gone through an abortion I would like yo to please look at my blog where I am currently discussing the journey to my abortion and will continue to after. I would like it if you could give some insight to my blog and my current situation and share with me how you managed to get through it. Thank you!


Ronado said...

Abortion is difficult, one should really make up your mind before going into it.

Anonymous said...

State of Texas loses appeal on abortion provider case in 5th Circuit Court: http://louisianarecord.com/news/249763-state-of-texas-loses-appeal-on-abortion-provider-case-in-5th-circuit-court

Unknown said...

If you are in a need of Pregnancy test kit, & if you think Its kind of awkward to go to a medical shop, Order online from, www.glassbeadsterilizer.net

BraveLittleToaster said...

It should be humiliating. I don't understand women who use abortion as the new "birth control".

Anonymous said...

A lot of women who have abortions are on birth control pills and using condoms. ALL birth control has failures, that is a FACT. That is a stereotype that all women who have abortions are having unprotected sex. People are so ignorant to believe that. That is just crap. Women should be able to choose what they want to do with their own bodies. I don't want anyone having a say what goes on in my life or in my body. If God were so worried about babies, why are there so many miscarriages? If God were so worried about children, why are there so many abused children? Pffft. Take away a woman's right to choose, and I can guarantee there will be many more suicides and deaths. If I were forced to be pregnant, I would kill myself in an instant.

Unknown said...

Um...what to say...? being a folklorist, I sometimes come across proverbs and folklore relevant to abortion and the mental states comes along with that. I grouped some from all around the world and here is some...

1.) Better have many children than many riches. (Vietnamese)

2.) All is good that God sends. (Scottish)

3.) The heart of a little child is like the heart of the Buddha. (Chinese)

4.) A child’s tear reach the heavens. (Yiddish)

5.) The tiger does not eat his own cubs. (Vietnamese)

6.) If you wall up a candle with boards, it will not shine. (Philippine)

7.) Do not pray for gold and jade and precious things, but pray that your children and grandchildren may all be good. (Chinese)

8.) Dividends from children is more precious than from money. (Yiddish)

9.) That which was bitter to endure may be sweet to remember. (English)

10.) A fair flower springs out of a dunghill. (American)

If interested to explore more proverbs before abortion try this...http://cuteproverbs.com/proverbs-by-topic/proverbs-before-abortion/

and think again, please.


Unknown said...

Hey dear,
You are just an incredible woman. You are a brave and a strong person and I love to see that you have shared your story with us. It really takes a lot of courage to share your experiences with others, especially regarding your abortion. I hope your condition has improved now and you are able to manage and process everything. You have shared some very good insights of your life after abortion. I am deeply thankful for your blog that acknowledges that even though you walked with confidence to the decision to have an abortion, even though you still feel like it was the right choice for you-it was not an easy thing as we thought. I wish you all the best for your better future. You can read some more stories, just like yours at youroptions also.

Kati said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope these negative comments don't get you down. I'm sorry the procedure wasn't done in a way that comforts and respects you. At least it's legal here now (unlike in 1930 when a relative of mine died after her mother gave her one in their bathtub - yes, that happened, and she was 19) but it's still hard for most patients.

Unknown said...

well sharing such stories atleast motivate fellow women who go through the same situations n helps them know they aint alone

Unknown said...

Given time some of these women heal from the trumour and memories that's why counselling is important?

Unknown said...

such women go through alot and basically its not easy fr them most especially those who might have been forced to have abortions done or had no moral support from any relatives.

Graca said...

By the time a woman decides to go to an abortion center for an abortion it takes a lot of effort.

Graca said...

An abortion is a personal and difficult decession to undertake, most of these women live with it for forever with bad memories. so they dont need to be judged.

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