It's getting hard to keep track of how many days it's been since the abortion, since i'm not writing every day but i'm fudging the dates.
It was very , very clinical. When i say i felt like Patient X, i wasn't kidding...no one talked to me other than the formalities. Like when i made the phone call it was "okay here's the time slot, here's what you need to bring". Every question I had outside of the norm (mostly about the surgeon's lawsuit), everyone seemed clueless. Most of the women i dealt with were barely older than 27 i would guess, minus the actual medical people themselves (4 of those total, and that includes the surgeon). We were shuttled along like cattle.
In other news, I saw Chandler briefly last night, and damn he looked so good...it was hard to not picture what a baby with him would look like if i knew it was his or not. Damn him and life for not making thing different. Well, mostly him...a lot of things i feel were within his control, and still are.
I don't want to say i'm "over" the abortion, but it's such a distant memory to me. The only time it really gets to me is if i think of some of the sh*tty things Chandler has said to me, or when i imagine the surgery room...the pain in my hand...GOD i can still feel it if i think about it...and having your legs spread open, the door open, legs in stirrups, it was the most humiliating experience of my life, easily.
coming up on anniversary - although I'm not even sure which one (just checked 3rd). I come back every year to share that I still have no regrets. No "traumatic stress" follow me. ...
11 months ago