81 Days Later - maybe i can stop counting

12:31pm

So today I don't have much to report emotion-wise, although yesterday I was a basket of nerves. All it takes is a few prodding questions from Chandler and i'm a mess, i was bawling the way home from work.

I went to the doctor and discussed my hair loss and stuff, she took a boatload of blood samples and a thyroid ultrasound. What's funny is how often i'm asked "and you havent' had any kids?"...no, i had a fetus, but no kid.

And then everyone says it's stress, and i tell them "my life isn't stressful, this is just regular LIFE. My job isn't stressful, i veg out and watch tv all the time, blah blah". But deep down, I know the stress..the abortion was huge, let alone juggling 2 relationships.

I had my pap smear and the chick comments on how there's still yeast from my YI (gross, i know...i haven't had a YI in years), and i look at her swap and it's covered in blood. I immediately freak out, thinking ti's something to do with the abortion, like maybe i didn't heal properly, but she told me that it's fine, she used a "brush" and it scrapes (hate that word now) and can sometimes cause a bit of bleeding.

She had no idea about the abortion, and i'm keeping it that way.

Before the abortion I worked out pretty regularly, i haven't done much since. I went last night with a friend but we talked the whole time. So i'm trying to make it a point to get over the intial "hump" of working out (where you feel like a flabby weakling), it's very daunting though...getting back to the regular routine of life.

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8:18pm

A friend was leaving the country, had a going away shindig for her. She said to me not to get pregnant while she's gone.