Last night I was MISERABLE.
Not sure if most people know, but you can use regular birth control as the morning after pill. You just have to take A LOT.
When i moved back home with Joey, i went off BC pills, which i was only taking when i was doing stuff with Chandler. I vowed no longer to do things with him. Yeah well...that didn't work out, and i was constantly taking the "morning after" pill. Eventually, my stomach just couldn't hack it, and i get so so sick that i just needed to lean over and i'd start vomiting bile.
Well 2 days ago I saw Chandler, and while we didn't have sex we did...stuff...(yes. i know. i don't know how to quit him), enough to where my paranoid mind freaked out that was if there was a smidgen of sperm that sneaked it's way in me.
So last night I took 4 BC pills, figuring that i would sleep through the nausea. Oh how wrong I was. I was miserable, got up twice to throw up bile, and definitely couldn't get up for work (and i have an 8am meeting, i'll have to call from home because if i left now, i would miss it). I took 2 Tums smoothies (they're actually really good) to help with all the bile that had come up, but that ended up getting puked up after.
I eventually threw up a decent chunk of bile to where my stomach felt relatively okay, and now it's early morning and i'm having a bowl of chicken noodle soup because i'm starving and everything else seems too harsh.
I definitely can't take the other 4 at 11am like i'm supposed to, i'm debating on just taking 2 (which is what i used to do). I mean, throwing them up defeats the purpose, although i'm pretty sure i didn't throw them up, it had been hours after.
Going to go nap on the couch for 20 minutes before my meeting. Then I'll write ALL ABOUT my happy hour with 3 ex coworkers who are all still nursing.
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11:51am
yes, that is the face of the guy who gave me the abortion. If he were an actor. And wore a suit.
Yesterday I went to happy hour with 3 ex coworkers, all of whom were still nursing. One knew about a lot of the pregnancy/sex problems I was having with Joey, we spent an extra hour outside of our cars chatting about stuff. I completely forgot taht she had a miscarriage that required her to have a D&C. So i said "why did it take 6 months for ((son)) to be conceived after, i thought you're super fertile after?" and she said that she purposely waited like 2 months because apparently the wall can be too thin.
THAT freaked me out. But she was also further along and needed "scraping", apparently there was no scraping needed for me.
I was thinking today how if I'm going to be a new person as a result of all of this, right now it's so "fresh" i'm able to mold who I want to be. Which right now is to just not put up with people playing games or being needy and retarded. I'm in my effing 30s, if people don't want to grow up and get to the point, i'm not catering to that. It's not my job to treat people like they're in highschool and want someone to beg them to tell them something.
And i need to stop a bad habit that has creeped back in, it took me months of work to change this mentality: spinning my wheels and obsessing over things like what i may have said that was stupid, or whether someone acting a certain way one day means they dont' like me. I know what "steps" i have to take to nip that int he bud, and i'll get on it.
OH and i'm excited that the workbook will be in soon, plus i have that other PDF (thank you to whoever posted it), i want to be proactive about all of this.
For some reason I guess i have a newfound zest in life today. Like, time to start making life suck less.
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6:38 pm
Leave it to me to have an abortion around the time that our entire country is freaking out this week about abortions and the new health care reform bill. What i don't get is that they keep saying that gov't employees and medicare recipients have not been receiving $ for abortions. But that's not true...a good number of the girls who were there the day I was had theirs covered because they were students and medicare covered it.
Truthfully, while i'm pro-choice and all that (obviously), i'm not saying the entire planet should get abortions whenever they want. Then again, unless you have a psychological disorder, NO ONE would go out of their way to have this happen again. Everyone i know who has had more than 1 abortion went out of their way to use protection and it failed. So...when you use protection and it fails, are you supposed to be SOL?
So here's the way i see it, if I were to make the rules:
1. If you're under the age of 23, abortions are free. Period. It's either I pay $400 for some kid's abortion OR i pay for the welfare for 18 years they will statistically be on.
2. If you're under the age of 23 and you get an abortion, you are REQUIRED to go through a sex-ed class.
3. No matter what your age is, if you've had more than 5 abortions paid by medicare/gov't cash, then you're also getting your tubes tied as well. You don't like that rule? Then save up for your own damn abortions, or stop having sex. Or have the baby.
4. The whole rape/life of mother at risk thing is a no-brainer. Abortions. Period.
It would never fly, but seriously...come ON. You can't believe that because a 16 year old is retarded and especially fertile that she should be responsible for the welfare of a baby. Do you remember what you did at 16? When i was 16, i was worryinga bout college and working 2 jobs. I was on the honor roll. So had i had a kid, not only would I have ended up being at poverty level with min wage jobs, i also would have had to take care of a BABY....should people who can't legally vote or drink be responsible for ANOTHER HUMAN BEING? And this whole thing of "well you can give it away"....right. It's not the baby itself that can f*ck up a life. You think an honor roll kid can easily maintain all of that going through the chaos of being in a hosue where most likely your parents are ripping you every day, where you're probably taunted at school every day, where you can't engage in the usual things your peers are?
Sigh. And back to feeling like I f*cked up my life. And that i'll never, ever have a child again.
And the tears come.
Which is so odd...i was actually relatively happy today. It's this level of perspective that I now have. About doing the right thing.
4 comments:
Yeah, my second abortion I was on BC and didn't know that antibiotics would make the BC useless. Fun stuff. We paid out of pocket for the abortion, I didn't even think about using insurance for it, but we are fairly well off, even way back then. Had I not been on a million diet pills I would have had the baby, but I didn't want to deal with it.
The only way I would have another abortion is if there was something really wrong with the baby.
My step-sister (who has no idea I have had two abortions) thinks that anyone who has three abortions needs to have her tubes tied.
I personally feel that abortions need to be legal no matter what, for whatever reason, period. There is no way to realistically judge someone and their situation. Yes, it can cause you a lot of emotional damage, and yes there are millions of couples waiting to adopt. However, there are MILLIONS of children in this world who do not have homes. But because they are the wrong color, the wrong sex, the wrong age, they are not adopted. Passed over for a brand new "womb fresh" baby with blue eyes. It makes me mad.
LEgal no matter what, yes.
Paid for by gov't funds, that's another issue...if you're gonna pay using tax dollars, then i own your uterus, and i get to say when to tie your tubes.
Abortions are not able to be paid for by goverment funds, at least in the US. And if they didn't have an abortion, we would be paying for the kids.
I just don't like the idea of saying when/who/how many etc. on something as important as reproductive rights. As you now know, it is hard to understand if you haven't been in the shoes. You know?
China forces women to have abortions, or you have to pay a major fine if you get pregnant without permission. And children over there are abandoned because their parents can't pay the fine, or the child was the wrong sex (usually a girl) or has a minor, correctible special need (cleft lip/palate, minor heart problem) that makes the child not worth it to the parents because they need one perfect, healthy boy to take care of them in their old age.
I do not want the United States to come to that. Scary scary stuff if you ask me.
I know I'm late to the party here, but, Monica, it sounds like you live in Cali. California, being the progressive state that it is, has chosen to use its STATE Medicaid dollars to assist low-income women in accessing abortion care. However, no FEDERAL dollars are allowed to be used for abortion services unless the woman's life is endangered, or if the pregnancy is the result of rape or incest.
I know that's a lot to keep straight, but basically the stuff you were hearing about no government dollars going to abortion was true in the federal context. What states choose to do with their own state dollars is different, and (thankfully) 17 states including CA choose to help low-income women access this care.
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