29 Days later - seems so far away

11:10 am

I'm annoyed by everyone and everything today. Chandler is driving me nuts. I wasn't kidding last weekend when I said i was done, but a few manipulative moves and BAM, we're back to where we were again. And granted, what i did on Wed wasn't the smartest move for sure...maybe I thought that getting back to what we're good at would help.

Wrong...and he's wanting more than i can give. I feel so incredibly smothered. If i'm going to take even more than 10 minutes to deal with a problem, it should be with my husband only. NO ONE ELSE in my life has this much trouble with me.

And i resent him saying that he was there for a me the month of my abortion...uhh, i would say he was there for a few hours the day of the abortion, every day leading up to it we fought, and it wasn't until a week later after our Chili's parking lot thing did I turn to him. And yeah he was there because i didn't direct it at him, it was about my pain and that's it. Who's been there for MONTHS when he lost his job, his place, and stuff still got turned on ME????

I can't do this. When are you allowed to just waive the white flag and say i can't do this? I've TRIED. ANd granted, i'll admit i came back to him at times when i shouldn't have. But okay...can we put the stake in the ground now? If you dont' like how i'm treating you, sorry at th is point this is the best i can do. i sure as hell don't like the way you're treating me but now i realize that's my own fault for allowing you have that power. So simple solution: remove teh power.

For a BRIEF moment, he was totally cool. And I fell super hard all over again at that time (the whole few days)...he has no idea how his smothering behaviors (as well as flat out manipulation) destroyed the very thing he says he wants. Or how trying to get from me things that I just can't provide, don't BS me with the "oh as a friend"...really? My friendships are a piece of cake. The level of effor ti've had to put into those friendships is pretty minor, because it comes naturally.

What i CAN say is that it's help rebuild me in a sense, because I'm forming again what I'm okay with and what i'm not. Who i want to be around. What types of values and behaviors i want to be around. What i'll accept and what i won't.

And that also includes forcing s omeone to be with me when HE'S not happy. If my efforts aren't working, then i'm not going to convince him anymore to try and see t hem. He has the right to be unhappy and to want more. Period.

Sigh. Well no bones about it, I love that boy and to not have his love is like taking a meal away from a starving ethiopian after one bite. But it also hurts too much.

In other news, I found a website with South Park quotes, they had a whole section dedicated to abortions. Enjoy.

“Don’t you see governor. I should have the right to have an abortion if I want one...I mean, what right do I have bringing another child into this overpopulated world? Then again I should have thought of that before having sex...then again...I just don’t know.”
-Mrs. Cartman, 202

Doctor: A lot of amazing studies have shown that stem cells might be used to fight cancer and a myriad of other diseases. Right now, a lot of stem cells come from the tissue of aborted fetuses - ah I'm sorry, unwanted children. And if you sign a release, that tissue can go to studies

Ms. Sanders: Oh well, I suppose, if it can help others.

Doctor: The hope is that someday it might.

-513


“Too many people were upset about using aborted fetal tissue for a study. It's too bad, too. We really could have helped a lot of people.”
-Larry, 513


“My best friend in the whole world is Kenny McCormick and he, he's sick right now. He's real sick. He's only eight years old and his doctors don't think he has very long to live. Look, I realize that using the tissue from aborted fetuses for research is a touchy subject, but all I know is that if there's a chance, a chance that stem-cell research could save my best friend's life, well I guess I owe it to him to try and change your minds.”
-Cartman, 513


“Abortion is the ultimate form of cheating! You’re cheating nature itself! Why do rich white girls get ahead in life? Because they get abortions when they’re young! They get pregnant, but they still want to go to college so, whatever, they just cheat! They cheat that little critter in their belly right out of a chance at life.”

- Cartman, 1205