33 Days Later - Catching up to my life

12:25 am

Well i'm up super late trying to finish up work that i've slacked off on since the whole abortion crisis. I'm dying to go to sleep, i've eaten like a mother effing pig all day, but if i can crank out the last of my edits in say the next half hour, I think i'll be okay. Not GREAT, but okay.

I'm also hoping to catch up with some friends tomorrow for happy hour. Again, i'm so behind on things...including friendships. There's friends I used to see weekly that I haven't seen since before I found out i was pregnant.

IMed with Chandler for a bit, i'm going tokeep that to a minimum because obviously it's very easy to fall back into traps. But when you hear someone else who feels trapped in their life it sort of helps you realize how retarded you've been with your own life. I've been bitching and moaning the past while when really, i do have options available to me. Hell, i don't need to see a therapist. i need to use that $$ to get a maid so that I can use my free time to do things i enjoy, which is what's depressing me.

Tomorrow (well...today) is a new day. Maybe Day 33 will be the day I turn it all around.

It's so sad that all this New Moon Twilight stuff is making me think of Chandler even more, how I draggedhim to see Twilight with me last December...and now the next one is out...trying so hard to not ask him to make an exception to everything and see it with me. Not that i WANT to see it...but it would feel weird to see it without him.

Part of Day 33 Resolutions (like NY resolutions):
1. I will use my paraffin hand bath regularly. Instead of keeping it in storage. I used to use it all the time. Then i got married. My hands look like an old lady's...and i used to do hand modeling. Strangers would even comment on my hands.

2. I will go back to the gym, even if it means getting up in the AM. Even if it means hiring a personal trainer again.

3. I will do effing work during work hours. Even if that means sleeping in, going to the gym, then going in...there's no point in getting up at 6:30am if you're going to be a zombie until 3pm anyway.

4. I will use my lunch hours to do the workbook stuff. For the book that i have the PDF for, i'm thinking of actually doing all the work online, and then posting my modified PDF here, if it'll help anyone.

************************************************************************************
10:11pm

I'm so fat.

More crying today, despite trying to be optimistic.

Went to return a pregnancy test today at Target (don't ask), the cashier said "I guess you got a visit from Aunt Flo from the Red lands?"...i was like "uh, what?"...if I wasn't so shocked at the expression she probably would have seen by the look on my face how inappropriate that was, but i just said "oh, no i have some at home already".

Why does it seem like my uterus and fertility have been up for public discussion for years now??????