41 days - things to be grateful for

10:32 am

It's thanksgiving. Sigh, i still didn't get all my work done, i'll probably just end up doing it tomorrow after Black Friday shopping.

I have GOT to remember that when I watch Glee, pregnancy is a big part of it.

I'm still in awe: i had a BABY with Chandler. WE together had a baby. Realizing who the dad is kind of is blowing my mind. I wonder what that would have been like had i realized it while i was pregnant.

While prepping stuff for today Joey was pouring himself some soda then just started CRYING. I instantly worried that maybe he knew about Chandler (yes i need to start living by the mantra that i need to live as if everything will be front page news). He comes over, tears down his face, and tells me how happy he is. I'm like "what? why are you crying then?"...and he started saying how for thanksgiving I'm still here, and he kept repeating that. I was like "well i was here last year at this time" and he said "yeah but you were one foot out the door".

Seriously, that humbled me. And Chandler said he cried yesterday about how he missed me, how happy he was when we were in the theater, etc.

You'd think a girl would be stoked to have two men be in love with her, but it's quite the opposite. THe stress, the pressure, knowing that you basically control the most vulnerable part of two people isn't pleasant, it's miserable. I want so badly for both of them to be happy. And the selfish part of me loves different parts of each of them. ARGH.