10:41 pm
so is the end of thanksgiving weekend. .Can't believe 2009 is almost over.
so much for a platonic day with Chandler. And this is where I realize: i can't be platonic withthat boy.
I love him. I love my husband. i don't want to risk another abortion. I had to take 4 birth control pills just now, will take 4 more tomorrow. Eff going through an abortion ever again.
how some people can do multiple ones is beyond me. I would probably shoot myself.
The only time I got emotional today regarding the abortion was when we were watching amovie, and the chick was all saying how she was going to have a baby in 9 months. It killed Hillary Swank to hear it, and it killed me. That should have been ME telling people the good news, getting the congratulations.
Time to stop dwelling on the abortion, and stop kidding myself that i can be friends with Chandler. I love him, so much to a fault, but i can't be with two guys like this. And things are going GOOD with Joey in the grand scheme.
WHY did i have to meet Chandler now???????
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3 comments:
Oh man, hang in there. Speaking from experience, it's ridiculously hard to cut off a secondary relationship cold-turkey but sometimes that's what you have to do, or at least only meet in public places, and don't even let yourself do a little hand-holding at the coffee shop -- maybe even only with other people you know, if it has to come to that... I'm not proud of the times I've gotten into sketchy situations or "come close". And as much as it hurts to put boundaries on being around someone you really like, if you want to get past it then you probably have to take drastic measures and cut that amazing chemistry off at the legs. (-side note: These days things are really different, because I'm in a LTR with someone who understands I'm kind of 'emotionally promiscuous' you could say [not as much sexually?], and weirdly it's helped me be more responsible because I feel confident that I can be totally upfront with him if something does go into a gray area, so I don't do things I would have to hide...does that make sense? Maybe it doesn't! ANYWAY-) Umm good luck with that crap :(
Oh, um, another thing -- from people in my life who've gotten pregnant, some who really wanted it and others for whom it was unexpected, a lot of them say stuff like "if you want to get pregnant, stop trying so hard" [not stop having sex obv - but stop panicking about it] and then it'll just happen. Just like you had happen the unexpected time, I guess. BUT also if you have all that stressful bitter-making stuff related to sex then *no wonder* it is still a pain -- I would probably never be able to just get over it and have some sex, until a good thorough let's-hash-out-this-shit and he understood why chores are important to share and why it's fucked up to expect sex without letting your partner know she's loved&desired and etc etc etc. Actually I don't know why I said probably, I know it for a fact -- your rant about him sounded PAINFULLY familiar. Ugh anyway sorry for unloading here! I know we are not the same person, but you say a lot of relatable things in these posts.
cold-turkey's the only way to go with chandler. this crap with thinking i could be friends with a? big mistake. huuuge.
-rachel
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