Farewells

More drama and drama later...

Said goodbyes to Chandler. So effing hard. I don't really want to get into it. But I have never, ever had someone love me the way he does. The look in his eyes...sigh...

I wish so many things could change. And I know it would be so easy to reply to his ridiculously sweet IMs he's texting me...how he noticed that i was wearing jeans and tshirts 'cause that's always what he told me i looked best in, how great I looked in my white wifebeater the other day (damn skippy, i wore it just for him), how he's creating a blog dedicated to me...okay maybe I'm not making it sound sweet, but...

I miss him already.

I realized today (because this is what i do, i play "pretend" housewife to him in my head) that he could wear a military uniform to our wedding...sigh. What i'd kill to see him in that. I've only ever seen him in his camouflage doodad once and I almost died. Well literally, since it was the day of the abortion.

ARGH and now Joey is here, wanting to spend time with me when all I want to do is VENT via blog.