Cranky cranky

I should just have a webcam at this rate, for the amount of venting and bitching I"m doing right now.

I have total muffintop. I don't know what i was thinking yesterday...right now I LOOK pregnant, even though I know it's just from all the eating i've been doing (I'm pretty small framed...a few pounds shows up really quickly, plus the lack of going to the gym has turned anything toned into a sack of lard).

For some reason, I'm starting to really resent both Joey and Chandler. As if i'm doing THEM some sort of favor by not keeping the baby neither of them needs to know about (eyes rolling). I should be effing grateful that I have two great guys (in the grand scheme) who love me and want to be with me for the rest of their lives.

Wah wah whoa is me.

Sigh. I with I could spend the $395 on anything other than vacuuming something out of my uterus. I could buy a plane ticket and go somewhere for that. I could fix all the dings to my car. I could get a maid to come every 3 weeks. I could put it towards my vet bills. I could donate it to some animal cause.

I could buy some wickedly expensive champagne and drink myself a miscarriage for $395. Although I lack a refined palate, and would be fine just chugging two buck chuck. I'm a classy, classy girl.

Everything seems like a facade. Like i'm some sort of undercover something or other leading a double life. In reality I'm an undercover agent plotting an abortion. But my ruse is that of a wife, a friend, social scene girl, employee, etc. Everything I have planned socially just seems like an opportunity to put on this mask and let them all believe that I'm just like them.

Just now Joey asked me if everything was okay. I replied as peppy as I could "yeah, why?"
He said I seemed "preoccupied". I told him that's what happens when people use the internet. And that I was trying to figure out what to do regarding the furniture on the freshly-cleaned carpets.

No.
Everything is NOT okay.

I've decided i'm going to call in sick though the day-of. The last thing I need is to worry about whether I've gotten an email from my boss that needs a reply asap.

Gotta jet for another social outing where I can wear my best joker smile.