Heart attack

I'm seriously going to have a heart attack.

I wish I knew how Chandler would react....It's not like I haven't pictured us as a family...yes, I pictured "the other man" and having a family with him. Sigh. It would have been nice if we'd met in another lifetime...when he showers attention, he lavishes it, and you don't doubt that you're the only girl in the world for him.

But this is this world...and i'm married, and pregnant.

My heartbeat keeps getting faster and faster. I thought maybe I would get over the initial shock.

For anyone out there, here's what this feels like:
Imagine you had a one night stand with someone you found out has AIDS. Not even HIV...full on AIDS.
And you won't get the results for 2 weeks.

That level of anxiety is what I"ve got.

I'm going to need to take some of my husband's Xanax. If he still has the bottle.

And tonight i'm supposed to go out. Again.

Plus I worry that i've got it written all over me. The "I'm pregnant and I don't know who the baby daddy is and i'm getting an abortion in 6.5 days". I feel like a wolf in sheep's clothes. No wait...i feel like a sheep in wolf's clothes.

I'm going to crack. I know it.