The Abortion Addict Story
See the above link for the scoop. Listen, i'm all for people with random disorders and what not. I think i understand pedophilia more than I understand an abortion addiction. I even understand why people do things that are painful and humiliating (oh trust me...i get it).
But why would you do something that:
a) costs a ton of dough
b) can f*ck you up in a single wrong move
c) relies on someone else, especially if you're completely put under
d) doesn't provide the physical relief of someone who say cuts, you just end up with cramping and stuff
e)forces you to wear effing PADS...hello, tampons exist for a reason. Tampons >>>>>>>>> pads
f) is just plain effed up to keep doing?
I get when it's an accident, even multiple times. I just don't get why someone would WANT this, even as an addiction. I'll take a heroin addiction over an abortion addiction any day. Maybe I draw the line at a crystal meth addiction...i'm vain about my skin. But heroin or coke, hook me up with some of that before I ever ever have to have the vision of my legs in those noose-like black rubber stirrups.
I still can't believe i'm "that" girl now. I can't believe i'm a statistic.
I can't believe that in some lab or freezer is what was half me. Half my blood, DNA, personality, looks. A mini-me is out there somewhere waiting to be incinerated.
Geezus chr1st my first child is going to be BURNED.
Okay, now i'm REALLY f*cked up in the head. I wish I could see my therapist, but she's crazy expensive and i've posted my bills here...i cna't afford even a single session with her.
I don't want to go back for my follow up appointment. I'll go...but i don't want to.
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5 comments:
I cannot post comments on your blog usually, so hopefully this works.
passboards.org is a good place to get support from others going through post-abortion stuff. Not everybody there is super scarred, but some are. What you are going through is normal. I am totally 100% pro-choice and I wish they would tell you about the crazy you feel after an abortion. It makes the anti-choice people look like they are right. They aren't. Just everyone experiences things differently.
Also, the crazy hormone post-pregnancy stuff does get better. You are just in the middle of it right now.
Okay, so comments are messed up on your blog. You should try and fix that. I had to go to IE to be able to post a comment, and even then it was messed up.
Good luck!
Hmmm, what makes it messed up? Maybe I'll just change the layout...not much else I can do. Thanks for the passboards tip, i'll definitely check it out, i'm going out of my mind!
Hey there. I've been reading your blog here and there and am sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. The number one thing I wanted to say here is that you're NOT a bad person and you do deserve to be happy. It sucks that you made a decision that's been hard on you -- but that doesn't mean you can't make decisions for yourself, you just are in a crap situation and doing the best you can with it, so don't beat yourself up!
If you're curious, something like 1 in 3 women (or more depending on who's counting) has an abortion by the time she's 45, so even though you said you don't like the club you're in, it's still good to know you're not alone or abnormal or a fucked-up outcast. (And no, you DON'T have to tell your doctor you had an abortion if that makes you uncomfortable! It doesn't affect your future health so it's not something a normal health history should ask.)
I know you found that PASS group, but if you'd also like to speak directly with a counselor, there are two options I can recommend: http://www.4exhale.org/ or http://www.imaginecounseling.com/ The first one is a free talk-line, the second is $25 for one hour of phone counseling (but it is more expensive after that, like if there are longer-term issues to talk about). These are supposed to be good resources because they're nonjudgmental and don't start from the assumption that every woman who struggles after her abortion thinks she did the wrong thing.
OK, this is now a super long comment and I hope you don't mind. Here's the last thing: I write for a blog called the Abortioneers -- we write about our experiences helping women get abortions, but also try to maintain a list of the very few blogs out there that are from the perspective of a woman seeking abortion care. Our patients often say they feel alone, or that they tried to find info online and only got scary propaganda or medical stuff. So if you'd be OK with us adding your blog to our list, please let me know.
Thanks and sorry again for the long comment. I hope that everything starts looking up for your (really complicated!) situation.
lol "Placenta Sandwich"...that's awesome.
Don't apologize for the long comment, it's not like i have that many people to talk about this to so any positive comments are a Godsend!
And fo' sho, you can post this blog tot he list. I can't imagine it being all that useful considering I wallow like i'm a Twilight Bella Wannabe, but go for it!
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