Consuming my brain

I'm exhausted but can't even nap again

Trying to white-knuckle it from telling Chandler. I think...I just need someone to hug me while i freak the fuck out.

And if you knew me, you'd know that I don't "do" hugs. My motto is to tell people to suck it up.

A few years ago I had to get a colopscopy. I thought it would be like a pap smear. Scheduled it at lunch. Uh, no. They take a scissor to your cervix and slice out a chunk the size of a dime, then smear some brown goo on it as a liquid bandaid, and then when you have your period it hurts like a mother fucker.
I actually went back to work after that...even the nurse was like "what? You're going to work?"...yes, because you suck it up and it's not the end of the world.

A friend of mine had the same procedure done and she took 3 weeks off from the world becuase of this "procedure". A mutual friend was like "Monica, you set the bar for pain...I can't respect her or take her seriously when you walked into work right after you did that!"

My point isn't to boast like i'm some tough bitch. Rather, that I come from the school of "suck it the fuck up" and even asking for a hug is like asking someone for a thousand dollars in my world.

I am not an affectionate girl. I wish I had been a dude. Actually right now, i REALLY wish I had been a dude.

Sigh, i'm late for a girls' night with my friends.
Someone better have brought some wine.

I realize I sound like a bitch right now. I know. Straight up. I know. Like i'm elite or something. I'm not communicating very well, and well not like it matters since i'm just trying to do a brain dump of the effing chaos going through my brain.



Anonymous said...

Ive only read 3 of your blogs and you sound a lot like me. though I'm not married but i just had an abortion yesterday. I'm such a tough cookie and all i really wanted was hug but couldn't ask for one. your blog is very comforting right now. maybe I'll write one too.

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